A painting of me by local indie artist @DMae_clothing
This has been a rough week for me. I’ve been sick and in turn became quite miserable. I don’t know about you all, but when I get sick I get to thinking about life, my life, and the lives of those I encounter. I started to wonder about many things, and before I realized it, I had become consumed with issues that were bigger than me. I started agonizing about the choices I’ve made up until now, the mistakes I could never take back, and the mishaps I want to run away from before they come into fruition. Next thing you know, I focused my thoughts and energy completely on a tomorrow that isn’t promised to anyone and that made me sicker than what I started.
I actually became angry at myself. How many times will it take for me to get it, I mean really get it, that life is a journey, a process. Stressing about tomorrow takes me away from enjoying my today. I still struggle with settling in the present moment. I struggle because I’ve always wanted more and have always seen more for my life. This desire for more didn’t begin with outward bound goals, but a drive for personal evolution that needed to take place within. I want to have already overcome fears, already taken leaps of faith I said I would do but haven’t yet. I want to not only embrace change but I want to be the change, and I sometimes forget that in order to be the change, I must accept all of myself as I am right now.
Acceptance of the here and now includes loving yourself even when you are sick and miserable, feeling all the emotions that comes along with those times, and trusting that the seeds of positive messages from your circles of accountability and influence have already taken root in your life. Luckily for me, these seeds are planted, they have taken root, and I’m growing. So the next time I feel out of my element I can trust in the journey once again. I’m curious; do you find yourself sinking into “gloomville” when you get sick? How do you handle it?
This is a great post. This week, I have been out of it, and feeling down some days (happy others), and when that happens, I know I just need to step back. Sometimes this includes putting on relaxing music for meditation, playing quietly with my daughter and removing all distractions. Most of all it’s submerging myself into something that I love the most–reading. Not just any reading, but sometimes, politics and history.
No matter how down I can get, I always remind myself that once in our time, things were much worse than what I’m currently experiencing, and look how they were able to keep going. That is what ends up motivating me. Through lessons of the past, I can see that it’s all a journey; nothing was fixed or abolished in one day, it all took time. So, I try to remind myself that this takes time too.
When I’m feeling gloomy, I know that it will pass, in time. I just need to be aware of my feelings and why I’m feeling that way.
You made a great point Kalley. In the past I did not like to acknowelege my feelings therefore I wasn’t aware of them and I wondered if something was fundamentally wrong with me. (Crazy right?) It is very important that we are in touch with ourselves enough to know when we are not in a good mood and to know why we aren’t in a good mood. Once we are aware we can plan accordingly. Great insight as usual, and thanks for sharing.
Actually, when I’m sick, I tend to focus primarily on being sick and use it as a great excuse to not doing anything. Perhaps I’m inherently lazy, or maybe I feel so much internal pressure to be busy that sickness is a great excuse. I’m not “Type A” or anything like that, but I tend to stress myself out when I think of other people and how I feel like THEY want me to be doing something. So sickness alleviates a lot of that internal drama, except when I get sick, I get REALLY sick so it’s almost not even worth it. But, my idea of pampering is sleeping all day, listening to my ipod and playing around on the internet.
Feel better! 😀
Thanks for commenting Tatiana! I seriously doubt you are inherently lazy, I ultimately, did the same thing and listened to some music and rested.
I’m sorry to hear that you’ve been ill, Lynn. I hope you’re felling better. All things pass…
Feeling much better George! Thanks so much 🙂
When I find myself sinking into “gloomville” I remind myself that “This too shall pass”. I’m not as afraid or uncomfortable with feeling this way much anymore because I know it’s all part of the cycle….you feel good, you feel not so good, you feel good, you feel not so good. The harder emotions/feelings to feel should be just as honored as the easier ones.
I love your blog. I’ll be posting here more often:)
Welcome Mia! You are so right, it is all a cycle of ups and downs and all arounds. I think it’s best we embrace life for what it is and trust that everything will balance out (that’s what I’m hoping for at least). You’re blog is wonderful too and yes, please return. 🙂