Not Alone

stonesThere are so many things I don’t want that I can’t remember what I want.

I couldn’t help but to chuckle at those words. In one line, that pretty summed up the raw emotions I’ve been feeling these past two weeks. More than just a case of the blehs I was in a serious haze not sure how I got there, and not entirely certain how to get out of it.

Didn’t I just activate Moon, my inner superheroine? Was this a form of self-sabotage once again? I excited myself so much about the possibilities of really feeling free to be me only to second guess everything I just laid on the table.

And so, I did what any self-respecting bookworm does for escape…I read.  It was the only thing I had enough motivation to do. I started reading my newest collection of short stories by Audrey and found immediate relief in the line above.  I wanted to read more, get lost somewhere in beautifully written prose so I could find my happy place and get out of my funk. And I swear, it doesn’t seem like anyone else goes through these funks but me. Right? Right!

I mean I know my why, I didn’t have any naysayers all up in my grill trying to throw me in a whirlwind. Seriously, there wasn’t enough positive psychology in the world to get me back in my game as soon as I wanted to be. And once I realized that that no matter how much I pushed or pulled, whatever it was I was going through, I needed to go through it.

It was time to be silent and listen.

In that silence, certain slices of life that I admittedly wasn’t putting as much tlc in to came front and center. By burying myself in work, I slowly started to creep into completely neglecting…me. Journal?  Prayer? Exercise? huh? what? Enter a rebellion of sorts from my heart. Just that fast it’s so easy to get caught up in the fast pace of everything around you, trying to keep up with the changes, trying to stay ahead of the game… Work/Life Balance feels difficult to achieve. The whole idea of a perfectly balanced scale doesn’t seem realistic at all to me and so I strive for Work/Life Integration. But the process to get to even that sacred place (if it does truly exist) is work in and of itself(and I don’t mean work with a negative connotation).

I’m not exactly sure what point I was trying to make when I started this post (Just keeping it real with you all) but a few things ran across my mind.

1) If you’re feeling like you have a laundry list of “don’t wants” and it’s sucking you dry then it’s time to start a daily practice of gratitude. Writing something, anything about the good and simple things that made your day…worth it, gets you in a better head space period.

2) Don’t settle for good enough. (Take that however you wish).

3) You are not alone. You’re not the only one who gets overwhelmed, and suddenly becomes frozen in the midst of change, you’re not the only one who becomes afraid of tomorrow hoping you can live up to its expectations, you’re not the only one who second guesses themselves, you’re not the only one who fails, you’re not the only one who wonders if you’re the only one who feels the way you feel…and again from my heart to yours, You are not alone.

 

Until next time…

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