Understanding the Concept of Codependency

A while back someone asked me if I had checked out the movie Twilight. I did, and I had read the books too, mostly because I was trying to bond with my little sister. They asked me what I thought of it, I didn’t really have an opinion so I said it was ok. It was a very typical “you complete me” “I would die without your love” fantasy that sells. I didn’t think too much more about it after that. The other night I was asked about the movie again in which I responded, “it was a guilty pleasure”; it caught my attention because in a traditional line of thinking, the story stirs up an old desire to be protected and taken care of, rescued (mostly from self), and completely secure in the fact that someone only has eyes for you. Oh, what a dream. Mainly, I liked to make fun of it. I said, if there was a popular book about the ultimate form of codependency that was it. The line that slammed my point home the most was, “You’re my personal brand of heroine”. There you have it; that is codependency with a special blend of love addiction at your service.

I’m not trying to pick on Twilight, trust me, there are plenty of examples to draw from, I thought I would just use this particular story. Wait now, so, what is codependency? Love addiction? Well, Wikipedia breaks it down for you if you’re unfamiliar with the term.  I have also read that one is a codependent if any person, place, or thing that person is dependent on creates unmanageability or insanity in their life. I realized that whenever I bring up the term codependency, I usually get a blank stare, or I get a reaction that goes somewhere along the lines of “Well if that’s the case, everyone is codependent then, so what!” To a certain extent I agree, many people probably have codependent tendencies (we’re only human after all). One of my most recent comments when I said I felt no need to chase someone down in hopes of love, “lonely forever then”. In response to that I say, being single and loneliness are not synonymous with each other. Yet, somehow we have gotten things so twisted.

After observing behavioral patterns of various people from different backgrounds, growing through my own struggles, and trying to wrap my brain around what it truly means to be healthy in every sense of the word; I wondered, is society so full of unhappy, unhealthy people, that people in recovery, or who attempt to be more than their circumstances, or let’s even go with women who have the nerve to be perfectly fine with being single get demonized, maybe even ostracized?