The Pull of The Past and The Push for the Future



I didn’t fully understand how “Wilderness Mentality” could be applied to so many areas in our lives. I mean, how could we finally get the courage to leave unhealthy relationships, and places that sucked our inspiration and well-being waters dry, just to look back during our struggle for the “Promised Land” and yearn to go back to the stability of the craziness we left behind?

I recently read a great article that took a deeper look into the song, and video for “We Found Love”. The concept of codependency and love addiction is very evident in the video. The lines, “when it’s over and it’s gone you almost wish you could have all that bad stuff back so you can have the good” really hit home. Nothing like the guy that held a special “umph” factor, you know the one that actually put the toilet seat down, and took care of small details no other man noticed like picking up a chocolate bar for you when Aunt Flow came to town; never mind about the constant arguments, the days you wished you could disappear, and the embarrassment you felt because you willingly took a seat at the table of your despair and convinced yourself that you deserved it!  

It made me wonder if the message of this music could be applied to more than love/romance relations. For instance, do we reminisce on the good times we had at previous jobs, the stable paycheck that it came with yet push aside the fact that we cried at home because it made us so miserable? Do we let our minds wander into old memories of great childhood friends we once had, and wish to have adult relationships that simple and carefree? Yet, we forget the fact that those “good ole” friends meant more harm than good; that going along with the old saying the friends come in to your life for a reason, a season, and lifetime, and those seasonal friendships you left behind helped make you stronger, confident, and a more genuine friend to your next personal encounter?  I don’t even want to get started on family pressure when it comes to striving for success…We hold on to these old norms, and inevitably hold ourselves back from our full potential.

Why do we do it to ourselves? The “Promised Land” is right there; we dream of it, we believe it’s attainable, and march towards it, heck, we even invite people into our lives to push us up the mountain, or take our hand and lead, and still, we haven’t removed the chains from our minds. We stay lost in limbo, in the wilderness.

When do we say enough is enough?   “I’ve dwelt long enough at this mountain”Battlefield of the Mind :Winning the Battle in Your Mind Devotional   I want my promised land! I want my victorious life!

Even if it’s just step by step, day by day; what are you doing today to move closer to making your dreams come true?

Understanding the Concept of Codependency

A while back someone asked me if I had checked out the movie Twilight. I did, and I had read the books too, mostly because I was trying to bond with my little sister. They asked me what I thought of it, I didn’t really have an opinion so I said it was ok. It was a very typical “you complete me” “I would die without your love” fantasy that sells. I didn’t think too much more about it after that. The other night I was asked about the movie again in which I responded, “it was a guilty pleasure”; it caught my attention because in a traditional line of thinking, the story stirs up an old desire to be protected and taken care of, rescued (mostly from self), and completely secure in the fact that someone only has eyes for you. Oh, what a dream. Mainly, I liked to make fun of it. I said, if there was a popular book about the ultimate form of codependency that was it. The line that slammed my point home the most was, “You’re my personal brand of heroine”. There you have it; that is codependency with a special blend of love addiction at your service.

I’m not trying to pick on Twilight, trust me, there are plenty of examples to draw from, I thought I would just use this particular story. Wait now, so, what is codependency? Love addiction? Well, Wikipedia breaks it down for you if you’re unfamiliar with the term.  I have also read that one is a codependent if any person, place, or thing that person is dependent on creates unmanageability or insanity in their life. I realized that whenever I bring up the term codependency, I usually get a blank stare, or I get a reaction that goes somewhere along the lines of “Well if that’s the case, everyone is codependent then, so what!” To a certain extent I agree, many people probably have codependent tendencies (we’re only human after all). One of my most recent comments when I said I felt no need to chase someone down in hopes of love, “lonely forever then”. In response to that I say, being single and loneliness are not synonymous with each other. Yet, somehow we have gotten things so twisted.

After observing behavioral patterns of various people from different backgrounds, growing through my own struggles, and trying to wrap my brain around what it truly means to be healthy in every sense of the word; I wondered, is society so full of unhappy, unhealthy people, that people in recovery, or who attempt to be more than their circumstances, or let’s even go with women who have the nerve to be perfectly fine with being single get demonized, maybe even ostracized?