The Only Constant Is Change

change quotes

Change is…well, if you ask me it’s hard. I think we like familiar patterns, even if it means our unhappiness. If that weren’t somewhat true we wouldn’t stay at jobs we hate, we wouldn’t stay in unhealthy relationships, and we wouldn’t suppress our very essence so we could fit in with the familiarly of those around us. There are also times when we get feisty, we want the representation of said change, like yesterday, without all the hassle that comes with it. So yes, we want more, we want better, yet we resist the process.

But if we really want to push through, stay the course, reach our fullest potential-then we have to come clean with ourselves so we can move out of our own way.

What are we afraid of? Is it fear of failure or success? That we can’t measure up because we have a bad case comparison syndrome? That no one will “get us”, quirks and all?

I had a recent conversation with a colleague about the changes I wanted to make over here on asummermoon.com and realized I was resisting the changes I’ve been wanting to make dismissing my writing here as only a hobby, as if my voice didn’t matter as much. Why?  Because here on this space I wear my heart on my sleeves, here, I’m exposing myself to critique, and if I didn’t take here to the place I really wanted to take it, I couldn’t get hurt if I failed, or if people judged me. Even though I knew, showing up to life in any state you will get judged because that’s what folk do. Funny how we know so much, will explain, and make excuses for ourselves to run from ourselves. So, after talking it out, and letting it digest some, letting all the positive seeds that my many life teachers have sown into me take root, I knew it was time to do what I have to do.

This wasn’t an overnight thing-getting to the point of ‘I will make the biggest investment I can for my own development so I can embrace my purpose’. The wonderful thing about change is that is a process. Habits don’t die so easily, and naysayers don’t go away. So you have to trust the process, act despite your fears, crawl when pressure is weighing you down, and take massive leaps instead of letting the floor fall from under you, and just know that the process works.

Until Next Time…

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Analysis Paralysis and Being Like the Wind

the secret garden

the secret garden
Photo property of L. Davis

These past two weeks I’ve been in serious analysis paralysis mode. Last weekend, I gladly accepted an invitation for a weekend get away to Maryland and VA and took the entire weekend off. Yesterday, I spent time with my mother, grandmother and family. It felt great!

My trip down state wasn’t exactly a relaxing weekend; as a matter of fact, I literally hit the ground running once I arrived to my hosts’ home. The trip was full of exploring historic landmarks and being one with the great outdoors, trying new foods, and enjoying the company of complete strangers who decided to throw a karaoke party my behalf just for showing up (I’ve actually never done karaoke before in public so a special thank you to Blinkie’s Karaoke for making me feel very welcomed and comfortable enough sing aka to hurt their eardrums). Because I don’t usually do things like this, I had a blast!

Just for that weekend I decided to let it all go and enjoy the moment. I get so enamored in reaching the end goal; reaching my pre-determined destination that I forget to enjoy the journey (where the real magic happens). It’s times like this where I Embrace being like the wind. I drift and free flow with whatever life hands me. I am content but not complacent. I am grateful, appreciative, and accepting of the here and now. Did I completely get over my case of analysis paralysis…well, no. But I’m a firm believer in the results coaching can bring to your personal and professional life, and practice what I preach, so I joined a group coaching program to help work out some of the kinks, (review of the program to come). To me, taking a break away from it all, being encouraged to embrace the present moment and realizing that I needed to make a choice; one act of courage was what it would take to get very specific help if I was to get out of my funk, and that was the great and valuable lesson of the week.

What do you do when you get analysis paralysis? Any suggestions for people who have limited funds and can’t just take a trip out of state?

Until next time…

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A Person, Just Like You: 1st Quarter Review

dream it do it

It’s the start of a new quarter, so I figured I’d write a previous quarter review type of post.

About the blog

I’ve been going back and forth about setting a formal tone here on the blog, you know, with a format that is consistent so that if someone asked what’s on that asummermoon.com site you could easily respond, ‘oh every week (ok, ok almost every week) when I go to asummermoon I get a dose of…’   and part of me wants you to be able to say one thing straight out, kind of like I’m able to do with my 1st coach’s personal development and lifestyle blog,  while the other part of me really wants to be unstructured since 1) life can be unpredictable at times, and 2) there’s so much structure in everything else I have to do in life I want blogging here to be more free flowing.

So, I concluded that I’ll try to meet you in the middle, when I have a formal project coming up, I’ll let you know. A great example of this is my black entrepreneurship series that I share in February. If I decide to change the format, I’ll blog about it to give you a heads up. If you want to connect with me daily, Facebook is where I spend most of my time.

Other than that, I’ll be sharing my reflections and/or resources I’ve learned about from the previous week. For the sake of not rambling on about a new restaurant I tried, or how I can’t wait for the new Star Trek movie to come out, I will usually try to center posts on topics of personal or professional development and entrepreneurship, (although lately I feel like the correct terminology is more along the lines of the ‘growing pains of being a small business owner’).

So that’s that…

About Life

Well 1st let me share my theme and word for the year.

The theme for the year is: Reestablish, Connect, and Go Confidently

My word for the year is Confidence

Do you have a theme or word for the year I’d love to hear yours???

As I’ve shared before in previous reviews, I center most of my goals for the year around 6 areas or slices of life: Personal, Social, Physical, Spiritual, Professional, and Financial. So my theme is in essence the vision I have for the year and the slices help me organize my steps to realize that vision in a balanced way.

This 1st quarter, the majority of my focus was on Spiritual, Professional, and Financial. I pretty much shared my wins with my Facebook peeps on the professional level already like for instance, being a featured expert in social media for South Jersey business magazine readers. I am also very proud to say that I’ve staying true to my spiritual goals. I just recently finished a full week commitment to confess and declare God’s promises over my life and am seriously trying to get my prayer life on the right track. And I have made connections with folks who know more about personal finances or improving your credit score so I can reestablish my financial slice in a positive direction. 

So now I’ll share with you some of the struggles because, well, I’m human, just like you…

While I made sure to say yes when opportunities to work on my other 3 slices as they came up, I didn’t actively pursue them. So, in turn, work/life balance was a bit skewed.I really felt the effects of all of it by the end of the 1st quarter. For instance,  not setting time to write creatively was missing from my personal slice which killed my confidence to share my poetry because well, I had nothing to share, or I’d let the comparison monster resurface and thought maybe I should just keep these elementary level poems to myself…

The lack of consistent exercise from my physical slice hasn’t reestablished the strength I want to feel in my weak knee. And that old negative tape still wanting to play in my head about being a failure at romantic-type relationships (which falls in the social slice), kept me timid about expressing myself freely with my current beau (another old tape demanding he read my mind was also a culprit). I also struggled with feeling confident (due to having too many people, i.e. family members who “mean well” in my ear) about my own standards on what was or wasn’t “good enough” for those type of relationships. On a positive note, I’m determined to set some boundaries as I can’t hold my peace for too long on things that matter to me.

I hope my dishing out some personal struggles wasn’t too real for you…All in all I’m aware of ares I need to work on and personal productivity is a major key to being able to address most of them.

This quarter I really want to pursue 1 thing from every area of my life so I don’t feel so off balanced. Revisiting the goals I set back in December was a good place to start as I was reminded of what I wanted to work towards, and make adjustments on some unrealistic goals that don’t fit in so well with the seasons of my life.

Anyhoo, that’s a quick review of my 1st quarter of the year thanks for reading to those of you who stuck around!

Until next time…

You Are Somebody, But First You Have To Believe

walking on waterI read a lot about people who have come from the bottom of the barrel and climbed to the top. These are my favorite stories because I relate to these kinds of people much more than someone who was spoon-fed all their riches and glory. They give off a, ‘hey, if they can do it I can too’ kind of vibe. But one thing that never sits well with me, is when they say that they were a nobody, and then became a somebody after they “made it”. So you mean to tell me that you’re a nobody during the climb? I think not.

Now, depending on how you define success, your “made it” could be being the mother of 5 healthy babies and a loving helpmate to your husband, or it could be donning the title of CEO to a fortune 500 company. But truth be told, if you wait around for others to acknowledge you, to give you definition, then you’ll forever be looking to find yourself.

The other instances are when I read ‘oh nobody wants me’, or ‘I’m at the bottom of the totem pole’ and all that other negative self-depreciative talk. And the big one, ‘who am I?’ who am I to do this, or do that, who am I to be this, or to be that, and then get upset when they get a response that basically says well, you’re “nobody if you don’t know”.

And there it was, “Nobody if you don’t know.”  How many times have we talked ourselves out of starting a project because we felt we weren’t good enough? How many times have we convinced ourselves that he wouldn’t want us because we felt we we’re pretty enough?  How many times have we walked away from opportunity because we didn’t feel talented enough? And how many times have we said Next Year I’ll do it next year, then next year came and by the 3rd week of January you were screaming next year again?  

I’m not coming from a place of spoon-fed knowledge this is the echo of a woman who has muttered far worse things about herself and finally took a stand and said enough is enough! And trust me, it isn’t easy and it’s an ongoing battle of the mind. But you see, I believe we are all somebody whether someone else acknowledges it or not. If we don’t believe it why should anyone else?

Last year, a general consensus was made that I needed to work on my confidence. People who stood in my corner all saw something in me that I coudn’t wrap my mind around and that mental block hindering my growing progress. It was time for me to move.  I had been in the ‘well, at least I’m not where I was last year’ mode too long. Towards the end of the year I finally said to myself ‘bump it, I’m just gonna make it do what it do’ and so I made mental notes that I would put in a conscious effort to no longer downplay myself as an individual or the time I put in trying to be a darn good woman and professional. If I wanted to realize my vision and not just get stuck and labeled as a only a dreamer, I had to 1st see myself accomplishing everything I mapped out in my head to be my destiny. I had to 1st see me.

Believing in ourselves, embracing our gifts, knowing we can always sharpen our skills and abilities, is key to doing the unthinkable. Because although you may have cheerleaders in your corner, a cheering squad can take you but so far, especially when your biggest contender is yourself.  If you want to be somebody you have to believe that you are somebody. (What? Did you think I was going to say ‘and you want to go somewhere then you better wake up and pay attention)

You are what you believe in your heart to be true.

You have to believe that you are somebody who deserves to be loved, if you want genuine love, because quite frankly you won’t tolerate anyone for long who doesn’t love you the way you want them to. You have to believe that you deserve to be cherished, that you deserve a promotion, your ideal client, a trip to California so you can finally see some of the best cosplayers around! Well, you get the picture 😉

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.’ We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. -Marianne Williamson

Until Next Time…

 

Flickr Credit: Lel4nd

Reflections on 2012

image32012 what can I say about 2012? Well, it was an interesting year to say the least. As a matter of fact I shared with my Facebook friends that there was never a dull moment.

2012

The senior pastor at my church declared 2012 the year of maximizing sovereign opportunity.  I felt like I did just that however, I didn’t realize until later that for me, sovereign opportunity didn’t necessarily mean something as concrete as I thought it would manifest itself to be. In my case, it was more about positioning. Positioning myself to make power moves I wasn’t quite ready for. Saying yes to things I didn’t feel suited my introverted personality, (like doing my first speaking engagement). Saying no and walking away from things that deep down, I knew would milk me until my passion dried up.  But you see, the thing about positioning is that it’s hard to see progression when there’s no clear encounter or destination. It took me awhile before I realized just because you can’t see the progress doesn’t mean it’s not being made.  In the end, 2012 was the year of acceptance for me. Accepting the things I couldn’t change, accepting the fact that I needed help, accepting that as much as I have seen in my short 20something years of life (and I have seen some stuff), I still had a lot of growing up to do.

On Goal Setting …

Well, it takes me awhile to set goals because I tend to want to accomplish a whole lot in a little bit of time whenI don’t have half of the resources I need at my disposal. (Yeah, I’m a Dreamer) Anyhoo to combat that I do a brain dump exercise and write out all of my dreams, hope, desires, and ambitions for the year because *shrugs* ya never know.  Next I draw a chart of 6 categories/slices of life (a term I adopted from my joy plan)

Personal: which covers self-esteem, learning, dreams, adventure, travel, etc.

Social: which cover Family, Friends, Romance, Significant other, children, etc.

Spiritual: which covers Relationship with Higher Power, Life Purpose, practice/prayer, etc.

Physical: which covers health, style, sexuality, surroundings, etc.

Professional: which covers passion, recognition, career objectives, contribution, etc. 

Financial: which covers Debt, security, planning for the future, wealth, etc. I try to plug at least 1 goal from the brain dump exercise into each slice of life to get myself closer to my destiny.

As for how I did on my goals… well I’ll share 1 from each category so I don’t bore you too long

Personal: I wanted to finally get on a plane and travel and even though I seriously didn’t think it would happen it did and I vlogged all about it on my youtube channel.

Social: Be a better sister to my little sister. This was hard for me because my sister has always thought of me as a weirdo (btw this conclusion is not exclusive to her, but I’m not, I’m just…awkward, sometimes, and maybe a little bit of a geek) nevertheless, I tried to listen to her with an open mind when she wanted to talk to me letting her know I was there if there was a need, include her in my projects so we could bond, and made sure to randomly tell her I love her. Hey, it’s a step!

Spiritual: I felt I was slacking in spending personal time in the Word so I decided to commit to a devotional 6-7 days a week. I ended up doing one 5-6 days a week Joyce Meyer Battlefield Of The Mind devotional being my favorite. 

Physical: Because I’ve been putting all my mula into paying bills and my business I haven’t treated myself to much of anything and so this year I wanted to splurge on something “superficial” that would make me feel more beautiful. So, I bought some Bareminerals foundation and some Sephora lipgloss to doll up every now and then.  As a bonus I won some shea butter and black soap from the awesome team at Beautifro Natural products  and love it! I was also surprised with a day at the spa for Christmas!

Professional: I wanted to finally become a published writer to an offline business magazine and Deanna the publisher over at Stay Focused Magazine gave me that opportunity! 

Financial: I wanted to pay off more debt but as soon as one bill got paid “mysterious” bills came forth and I was right back to where I started.  So, here’s hope for 2013!

There you have it! Thanks so much for reading my journey and I hope you’ll stick around for next blog post!

Until Next Time…