Flickr credit: The Italian Voice
Whether you’re embarking upon a new venture into entrepreneurship, deciding to shift gears with a career change, or letting go of some extra baggage in your life, there always seems to be someone trying to pull you down off your motivational high and hold you back from following your hearts desires. We do our best to build a circle of support in the form of likeminded network groups, accountability partners, coaches, and mentors. But, building this circle of support takes time and serious prioritizing, not to mention money. In the mean time some of us constantly are surrounded by people who could care less about our hopes and dreams. They are the ones that tell you that you can’t sing when you’re trying to develop your voice, that you can’t fly when you’re learning how to spread your wings, and that because of your family background, ethnicity, age etc. that you’ll never amount to anything because you smell like a failure, you’re from a family of failures and you’ll never become more than another failure. I know that sounds harsh and drastic but people like that really do exist and most of the time they receive that type of negativity from home, (Antoine Fisher comes to mind).
I have found that there is a middle group between awesome support and straight up “hateraide” where most of us budding entrepreneurs and change evangelists encounter doubts and insecurities that slow down our progress or completely take us out of the game. This group of influencers isn’t harsh in their criticisms or quick to award you with praise for your small victorious milestones along the way. But you better believe when you hit the jackpot they’ll be one of the first ones wanting a pay off. (Of course, you’ll probably hook ‘em up being the generous and forgiving person that you are.)
These not so obvious naysayers are convinced that they mean well when they say things like “be realistic” and “get a real job” you know, like the one they have, the one that makes them miserable, and hopeless, and feeling stuck. They think you’ve grown boring as you work nights and on the weekends therefore taking up the space you used to go serial clubbing and bar hopping with them. This may sound controversial coming from me; they will be very upset, and even make you feel condemned when you step down from one of your many church positions that you were “called” to (according to their hearing from God on behalf of you). Some of them even feign interest in your projects, but only if you’re progressing according to their definition of success, or so they can steal your ideas and run with them never acknowledging the part you played in their life (feel free to follow and share the work of your influencers).
I stand firm on what I’ve learned early in my own personal quest from purposeful work, you must Believe In Yourself without the expectations that others will do your believing for you. If we waited for everyone to be in agreement with the decisions we need to make, nothing will ever get accomplished as we’ll be forever tap dancing around each other. If you want to sing a tune, or write a new chapter in your life everyone isn’t going to think, “Oh, how courageous” of you.
When you can’t financially escape your special blend of naysayers (many times family members and friends who honestly believe they have your best interest at heart) learn to establish boundaries with them and to do it with love. Time restraints on bonding may need to be established, and you better believe change will be met with resistance. You may learn that some friends were meant only for a certain period, and that season has come and gone. You also have respect the basic requirements of the house hold you live in, especially when the home is not your own but research, network, and take action steps in order map out your escape. Finally, everything ain’t for everybody! Every path of discovery isn’t meant to be shared with certain people. Boundary setting helps you establish healthy relationships which are instrumental in determining the roles people are to play in your life.
Until next time…
Oh wow! I can completely relate to that! I have a few around like that. I’m so glad that I’m a rebel and do what I need to do. Thanks for the great article, Lynn =)
you’re not the only one, Gerri! this was right on time…every word so eloquently written and true. everybody isn’t worthy of being a part of your journey. cut your losses early and embrace those that are there for the long haul. loved this Lynn!
I like that…a rebel I think we all need a bit of that if we are to survive this business game. Thanks for commenting Gerri B! 😉
Hi Lynn:
How on time was this post. I am developing as a business woman (never late to me) and always seems as if every step you take there are fewer cheerleaders there for you. With that said you have to have your confidence in tact and tunnel vision as you go along the way. I’ve had so many nasty things said but I keep going but that is what my spirit is telling me to do. Thank you for a vote of confidence.
Greetings Cheryl! Thanks for the feedback. You are so right, it’s never too late especially with those beautiful patterns you crochet 🙂 You’re right you must have confidence in tact or the naysayers will take you under. Hope to see you back here again soon.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and concerns, Lynn! In my humble opinion, trusting your intuition and being true to your hearts’ desires are ingredients for success in achieving all goals.
It’s inspiring to read your insight and follow your progress in life…
Thanks so much George! It’s always a pleasure to receive your feedback. I agree trusting your intuition being true will definitely bring about success.
Doesn’t sound all too familiar. I totally agree with the whole “rebel” thing. Rebelling doesn’t always have to be a negative thing but for us it can be more of a “standing your ground” and not letting other’s thoughts and opinions rule your lives. At the end of the day, the only one that knows what’s best for our lives better than us is God cause HE created us. People don’t know, they barely know what’s best for them. I strongly believe that God puts different visions, dreams, hopes and all that good stuff in us all and unfortunately most people are not bold enough to venture out of the norm and take a risk. I, for one, refuse to be stuck where I am in life, career, etc for the rest of my life. This can’t possibly be the final destination for me. So I have no other choice but to take some risks if I ever wanna get anywhere in life. I used to be so easily discouraged by other’s opinions but then one day I had an epiphany. I realized that I am the one who has to live with the descisions I make as far as a career or whatever and I can’t pick one based on what someone else thinks will be good for me. Of course we want people to be proud of us like family and friends but I wanna be happy with what I’m doing not just pick something cause they say its in demand “right now” or that’s where the money is. I wanna love what I do so much to the point where I would do it for free. I will continue to allow God to lead my path because that way, I know for sure that I won’t be steered in the wrong direction.
Welcome Chetta! You made a good point, we are our own worse enemies when it comes to progression. As long as we hold ourselves back and don’t believe in our own potential (at the very least our potential) it’s even easier for us to believe what the naysayers have to say. But we are also our own naysayers and we have to work on that. Hope to see you back here again and thanks for commenting.