I was already feeling sick when I woke up to a text message from my best friend. It read, “You still going to the bridge this morning?” Power walking across the Ben Franklin bridge was the last thing I wanted to do, I wanted to roll over, snuggle with my blanket, go back to sleep, and hopefully the next time I got up, my tummy wouldn’t feel like someone was punching it from the inside out. \’Hecks to the no I don’t want to go!\’ She was jogging anyway, and I was going to slow her down, she had made a commitment to her physical health that as much as I tried to convince myself, I simply didn’t make the same kind. She took massive leaps, and I took babysteps with temper tantrums along the way…
When I looked from a narrow view, I only saw that she was ahead of me and in control. Whereas I myself, was behind and trying to play catch up. If she tripped, she’d get up immediately and keep going however, if I stumbled, I’d sit there embarrassed about my clumsiness for awhile only later to realize that I only had an audience of me, and I was the one holding myself back by keeping myself down to faceless judges. Yes, eventually I’d get up and dust myself off and begin again but it would take me awhile. For all intents and purposes she is more advanced than myself in this particular slice of life. And if I looked around, many people seemed more advanced than me, with their personalized baseball caps, their armband radios and vibrant running gear. Yet, when I take a step back, open my senses to the energy all around me I stop looking at where I’m not, and who I’m not compared to those surrounding me; I find that instead of being nowhere, I AM NOW HERE.
Yeah, I may be moving at a slower pace and sometimes I whine too, complaining about how much everything hurts. But here I am, making my way, living my life, walking my talk. Compared to where I started I am now facing my fears and anxiety, overcoming simply talking about doing and actually getting into action mode. And what I no longer do is wonder why I’m not more talented, more disciplined, more…not me. I work with who I am right now, and I build on it. It took a long time for me to get to this place. This was a huge hurdle to overcome; a mindset shift that took practice and is an ongoing practice.
Our inner arch nemesis can’t wait to use one of her vices to convince us to give up on our missions. The Comparison Queen is one of her minions and it takes a conscious choosing not to let her rule your court anymore. We set the pace for our inner superheroine journeys, we walk it out boldly showing up as only we can…and instead of gratefully accepting whatever labels we’ve been given or have subsequently given ourselves, we get to say… “I define me.”
So, 43 minutes later my best friend received a text from me, asking when should I be ready. I knew she was patient and didn’t give up on me (what are besties for afterall?). About a half hour later, I took that picture above with my Droid phone. If you look close enough you’ll see that all the runners are way ahead of me, but I did indeed make it across the bridge and back. And man, what an amazing view!
Until Next Time…Peace!
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