A painting of me by local indie artist @DMae_clothing

This has been a rough week for me. I’ve been sick and in turn became quite miserable. I don’t know about you all, but when I get sick I get to thinking about life, my life, and the lives of those I encounter. I started to wonder about many things, and before I realized it, I had become consumed with issues that were bigger than me. I started agonizing about the choices I’ve made up until now, the mistakes I could never take back, and the mishaps I want to run away from before they come into fruition. Next thing you know, I focused my thoughts and energy completely on a tomorrow that isn’t promised to anyone and that made me sicker than what I started.

I actually became angry at myself. How many times will it take for me to get it, I mean really get it, that life is a journey, a process. Stressing about tomorrow takes me away from enjoying my today. I still struggle with settling in the present moment. I struggle because I’ve always wanted more and have always seen more for my life. This desire for more didn’t begin with outward bound goals, but a drive for personal evolution that needed to take place within.  I want to have already overcome fears, already taken leaps of faith I said I would do but haven’t yet. I want to not only embrace change but I want to be the change, and I sometimes forget that in order to be the change, I must accept all of myself as I am right now.

Acceptance of the here and now includes loving yourself even when you are sick and miserable, feeling all the emotions that comes along with those times, and trusting that the seeds of positive messages from your circles of accountability and influence have already taken root in your life. Luckily for me, these seeds are planted, they have taken root, and I’m growing. So the next time I feel out of my element I can trust in the journey once again. I’m curious; do you find yourself sinking into “gloomville” when you get sick? How do you handle it?

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