{Intro: Heads up, I know most people who draft up content publishing calendars don’t always reveal the theme they’ll be centering their posts on but I decided to go ahead and share it with you.  Basically I can kind of publicly keep myself focused since I’m trying to break my habit of “I’ll write whatever comes to my mind at the moment”  that I’ve somehow carried into my subscriber content for my main business which is not the best idea when trying to be consistent. So yeah, I better shape up! (The next habit to work on…writing posts in enough time to have an editor get to it before I hit publish-one day ya’ll!) Anyhoo…

Let me catch you up. So, January was about mindset and motivation, February was a series on entrepreneurship where I focused on artists, March was “let music be my muse” and I had to write a post inspired by lyrics to a song, (read those again you’ll see the song references), April was about Awareness it was meant to be more light-hearted to prepare for this month…I am going to pretty much be doing reflection posts around the shadow work I’m currently researching and experimenting with. Ultimately the idea is to actually to get to a place of talking about self-compassion, forgiveness, and healing. Ok you’re all caught up! Fin}

We can really be hard on ourselves, almost to the point that sending out S.O.S signals because of our daily life grind feels weak.  Not only weak, but it puts us in a position where we have to convince ourselves that “this is normal” and “push through it” because “everyone has these issues”. So we suppress what we’re really feeling, deny ourselves, and think something is “wrong” with us, because apparently, it’s just our imagination…once again…running away.

And so we carry this mental baggage like it’s a badge of honor,  and then we shun anyone who has the nerve and the guts to wear their hearts on their sleeves. How dare they be vulnerable, and emotional? Who the heck wants to read about the dark side of the moon? They reveal everything we’ve been trying to rid ourselves of and in such a way that triggers thunder bolts and lighting in our hearts. “Unforgivable!” “That is so rude” “I cannot believe they did that…I wouldn’t do that…I am better than, I am more, I am not weak…like them”.

So when we show up to do the work, we are a shell of a person, trying to keep up with what we think would get approval, what we think will get us noticed, and have a chorus of “amens” to whatever we have to say. Because we’re “right” we’ve been practicing being “right” and “good” and “perfect” our whole lives after all, and when we aren’t we hide. We hide behind I don’t care, we hide by shifting the judgments, we hide and keep on grinding covering up our undesirables, hiding the skeletons in closets we long forgot we had…hoping, praying no one discovers what’s on the other side of the door.

And because of that, we hold ourselves back.  We’re not ready to launch because any mistake we could possibly make is unacceptable. We don’t want to put ourselves “out there” because… what if we’re really, truly seen? What if we actually have this success of our dreams and blow it? Or, what if someone actually listens to what we’re not verbally saying, and hear our skeletons rattling? What will they think of us? What if it’s found out that we are not good enough underneath our French manicures and cushy jobs? What if deep down we are everything and everyone we’ve come to judge so harshly? That homeless man, that self-centered teen, that foolish gossip queen, that incompetent neighbor, that weird emo chick…all the things we hate about them, all the things that make us uncomfortable about who they are, all the things we’ve been programmed to deem unworthy, all the characteristics we have sworn never to be- we are capable of being, or have been, and we are ashamed.

And so, we stay in our set place, agree with those who give us peace by justifying our “rightness” and “acceptable”. And we wonder why we can’t move forward in our purpose, why we struggle with authenticity when we’re refusing to listen, we’re refusing to learn and to grow.

Until next time…Peace!

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