The Only Constant Is Change

change quotes

Change is…well, if you ask me it’s hard. I think we like familiar patterns, even if it means our unhappiness. If that weren’t somewhat true we wouldn’t stay at jobs we hate, we wouldn’t stay in unhealthy relationships, and we wouldn’t suppress our very essence so we could fit in with the familiarly of those around us. There are also times when we get feisty, we want the representation of said change, like yesterday, without all the hassle that comes with it. So yes, we want more, we want better, yet we resist the process.

But if we really want to push through, stay the course, reach our fullest potential-then we have to come clean with ourselves so we can move out of our own way.

What are we afraid of? Is it fear of failure or success? That we can’t measure up because we have a bad case comparison syndrome? That no one will “get us”, quirks and all?

I had a recent conversation with a colleague about the changes I wanted to make over here on and realized I was resisting the changes I’ve been wanting to make dismissing my writing here as only a hobby, as if my voice didn’t matter as much. Why?  Because here on this space I wear my heart on my sleeves, here, I’m exposing myself to critique, and if I didn’t take here to the place I really wanted to take it, I couldn’t get hurt if I failed, or if people judged me. Even though I knew, showing up to life in any state you will get judged because that’s what folk do. Funny how we know so much, will explain, and make excuses for ourselves to run from ourselves. So, after talking it out, and letting it digest some, letting all the positive seeds that my many life teachers have sown into me take root, I knew it was time to do what I have to do.

This wasn’t an overnight thing-getting to the point of ‘I will make the biggest investment I can for my own development so I can embrace my purpose’. The wonderful thing about change is that is a process. Habits don’t die so easily, and naysayers don’t go away. So you have to trust the process, act despite your fears, crawl when pressure is weighing you down, and take massive leaps instead of letting the floor fall from under you, and just know that the process works.

Until Next Time…

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The Comparison Syndrome: It Will Stunt You!

green eyes

January is generally the month where people have set, are still setting, or have already broken their New Year resolutions. So we’ve gotten clever about it, and started calling them fancy names in a fit of rebellion against the norm to convince ourselves to make them work. Hey, whatever floats the boat!

Then there are some of us who take it a step further.  In wanting to make sure we at least make a true effort to turn those sand castle dreams into something concrete, we develop goals that we hope are intelligent, and plot out different methods of action we can take to accomplish said intelligent goal. And to make sure there aren’t any security breaches we grab up accountability partners, coaches, mentors, self-help books, (and the beat goes on), because who wants to end the year on Häagen-Dazs in front of the TV declaring that the next year will be their year…again.

But then, you start looking around and everyone else seems to be moving faster than you, climbing higher heights, getting clients, feeling their pipeline with leads, getting the promotion, keeping their job! But what about you?!?

Now, while I can’t answer that question in particular, I think sometimes we have to stop waiting for life to give you a hand out and go create your own luck. At the same time, I know we experience different seasons in life (although it’s an honesty you don’t always want to hear when you’re down in the dumps). So, instead, I’ll touch on one particular area that I think builds us down; it’s a set back we establish at the very moment we map our game plan for the year.

You set some goals and tell folk and while you’re sharing yours, you think maybe you’re not showing up to life in a big enough way so you adjust, chuck your own ambition away and then you’re chasing a life that wasn’t what you wanted in the first place.

So, your Best friend wants to set a big, scary hairy out of the comfort zone goal to go to the slums in India and feed orphans, your goal was to get a bucket so you can have access to that job that pays a little more so you can stop living paycheck to paycheck. You see noble in her goal, not remembering the why of your own.

This year, I started off with a group coaching program, it was an affordable program that I believe will propel me forward to my best year yet. Last year despite the affordable price, I would not have invested in it; I was in a different season, and had to set other goals.

One of the things that attracted me to the program was that it was called something I was setting out to do this year; astonish myself. And so I encourage you to do the same, Astonish Yourself!  Dream your own dreams, set and adjust goals that make sense for you, create a life that speaks to you, dance your own dance, walk in your own purpose.

“Always be yourself, express yourself, have faith in yourself, do not go out and look for a successful personality and duplicate it.” Bruce Lee


Until next time…

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Flick Credit:  Kyle MacKenzie

Reflections on 2012

image32012 what can I say about 2012? Well, it was an interesting year to say the least. As a matter of fact I shared with my Facebook friends that there was never a dull moment.


The senior pastor at my church declared 2012 the year of maximizing sovereign opportunity.  I felt like I did just that however, I didn’t realize until later that for me, sovereign opportunity didn’t necessarily mean something as concrete as I thought it would manifest itself to be. In my case, it was more about positioning. Positioning myself to make power moves I wasn’t quite ready for. Saying yes to things I didn’t feel suited my introverted personality, (like doing my first speaking engagement). Saying no and walking away from things that deep down, I knew would milk me until my passion dried up.  But you see, the thing about positioning is that it’s hard to see progression when there’s no clear encounter or destination. It took me awhile before I realized just because you can’t see the progress doesn’t mean it’s not being made.  In the end, 2012 was the year of acceptance for me. Accepting the things I couldn’t change, accepting the fact that I needed help, accepting that as much as I have seen in my short 20something years of life (and I have seen some stuff), I still had a lot of growing up to do.

On Goal Setting …

Well, it takes me awhile to set goals because I tend to want to accomplish a whole lot in a little bit of time whenI don’t have half of the resources I need at my disposal. (Yeah, I’m a Dreamer) Anyhoo to combat that I do a brain dump exercise and write out all of my dreams, hope, desires, and ambitions for the year because *shrugs* ya never know.  Next I draw a chart of 6 categories/slices of life (a term I adopted from my joy plan)

Personal: which covers self-esteem, learning, dreams, adventure, travel, etc.

Social: which cover Family, Friends, Romance, Significant other, children, etc.

Spiritual: which covers Relationship with Higher Power, Life Purpose, practice/prayer, etc.

Physical: which covers health, style, sexuality, surroundings, etc.

Professional: which covers passion, recognition, career objectives, contribution, etc. 

Financial: which covers Debt, security, planning for the future, wealth, etc. I try to plug at least 1 goal from the brain dump exercise into each slice of life to get myself closer to my destiny.

As for how I did on my goals… well I’ll share 1 from each category so I don’t bore you too long

Personal: I wanted to finally get on a plane and travel and even though I seriously didn’t think it would happen it did and I vlogged all about it on my youtube channel.

Social: Be a better sister to my little sister. This was hard for me because my sister has always thought of me as a weirdo (btw this conclusion is not exclusive to her, but I’m not, I’m just…awkward, sometimes, and maybe a little bit of a geek) nevertheless, I tried to listen to her with an open mind when she wanted to talk to me letting her know I was there if there was a need, include her in my projects so we could bond, and made sure to randomly tell her I love her. Hey, it’s a step!

Spiritual: I felt I was slacking in spending personal time in the Word so I decided to commit to a devotional 6-7 days a week. I ended up doing one 5-6 days a week Joyce Meyer Battlefield Of The Mind devotional being my favorite. 

Physical: Because I’ve been putting all my mula into paying bills and my business I haven’t treated myself to much of anything and so this year I wanted to splurge on something “superficial” that would make me feel more beautiful. So, I bought some Bareminerals foundation and some Sephora lipgloss to doll up every now and then.  As a bonus I won some shea butter and black soap from the awesome team at Beautifro Natural products  and love it! I was also surprised with a day at the spa for Christmas!

Professional: I wanted to finally become a published writer to an offline business magazine and Deanna the publisher over at Stay Focused Magazine gave me that opportunity! 

Financial: I wanted to pay off more debt but as soon as one bill got paid “mysterious” bills came forth and I was right back to where I started.  So, here’s hope for 2013!

There you have it! Thanks so much for reading my journey and I hope you’ll stick around for next blog post!

Until Next Time…

How To Stop Being Busy and More Productive

It’s September. A new season is on the horizon, the year is more than half-way through. Summer vacation is just about over, school is now in session. Besides the start of a new year, I noticed that many people like the concept of fresh start for this month as well. And if people are looking for a fresh start, I can’t help but wonder what happened between the start of the year to the end of the summer that a hope for change will come with the start of this new season?

Sometimes we just need to recharge the batteries we already have

As I was wrecking my brain trying to think of new services I could offer through my social media marketing company, new relationships I wanted to build with the people I’ve been exposed to during my summer networking, new recipes I want to attempt to cook for the upcoming holiday, and a new short-story to outline since inspiration hit me while I was dreaming one night; I decided it was best to revisit some of the goals I made at the start of the year.  I was on a fast track to doing busy work when I seriously needed to excel at the work I had already started. It was more important to tie up any loose ends (and there are plenty of them) and readjust some goals that were just too unrealistic for now or no longer a priority in my life.

At the start of the year I was irritated because I was always tired and felt I was running around in circles with goal completions never feeling anything of importance was getting accomplished. I started writing out a to-do list at the beginning on each week using my favorite productivity app Evernote (ok I slip up from time to time) and decided that the only way to know if I was being productive was to literally write down everything I did at the end of each work day. This method has really helped me feel more productive versus busy and now I’m at least aware of time wasters.

Taking a look at my weekly track record made it easier to “secretly” conduct my own version of a personal monthly review.   If I’m dissatisfied with my monthly review or feeling that the steps I’m taking are not lined up with the goals set in each my 6 slices of life, I know it’s time to make a change. I have no interest in being busy it irks me almost as much as being bored. I ultimately strive for better work/life balance even though I’m not certain the scale will ever equal each other in weight.

What are some methods you use to be more productive and less busy in life and business?


Flickr Credit: Berna

Self-Esteem Goal Setting

Photo by: L. Davis (me)

I’ve been reading a lot about goal setting lately, mainly for business. But, sometimes, I need to go back to the heart of it all and re-evaluate my own personal goals to make sure that everything I plan and the action steps I take going forward reflect the personal vision I have for my life. Before I thought of anything else, before I decided to go after my dreams, I had to make sure I was in tact, after all, how can I serve anyone or any cause if I was broken. Much like SMART goal setting, self-esteem goal setting has guidelines that I thought I would share with you. (No, I did not come up with these guidelines I’m just sharing resources that were shared with me)

Guidelines for Self-Esteem Goal Setting

 1. The Goal should be conceivable. You should be able to understand the goal and identify what might be a first step.

2. Each goal should be believable. You should believe that you can accomplish the goal

3. Goals should be achievable. Each goal should be accomplishable given your strengths and abilities.

4. Goals should be controllable. They should be stated with regard to what is in control of each person. Goals which involve your own behavior is controllable.

5. Goals should be measurable in time and quantity. It is better to state that you want to reorganize your home office by Sunday evening rather than saying you want to have a more organized looking office space.

6. Every goal should be desirable. A goal should reflect something you want to do rather than something you feel you should do (or because somebody told you so).

7. Goals should be stated with no alternatives. Stating a goal by saying “I’ll do this but if not this then that” only leads to doing neither. If your goals changes state the new goal without an alternative.

8. Every goal should be growth-facilitating. They should not be destructive to yourself, others, or society. Once you’ve reviewed the guidelines, write a self-esteem goal using the guidelines then visualize yourself involved in the goal, and what it would feel like to accomplish the goal. Then go do it!

“Whether You Find You Can or you think you can’t, you’re right.” –H. Ford